he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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