You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize