Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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