And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
