the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
