So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
