5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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