kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
