Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
