I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
