I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
