fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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