@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
