I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
