Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
