I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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