I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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