guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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