I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
