No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
