they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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