I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
