So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
