His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
