who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
