1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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