too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
