No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I believe in your delicious
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
