I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize