I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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