I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
