You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
