Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
