My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
