Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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