saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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