Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
