You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize