Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well you can't waste a boner
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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