he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need a beard to bite.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
