Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
