He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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