i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
