well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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