I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
