Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
