Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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