I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
