Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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