College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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