I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
