I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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