he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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