I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
