thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize