youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
