You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
