Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
