he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
