He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
