At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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