Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
