she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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