So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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