Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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