how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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