Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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