4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
