I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
