i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
