I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
