She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
