are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
