My cat gives me a boner
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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