i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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