just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
