Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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