I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize